The following is taken from a post by Dawn Greer Choate (7/31/2007). It addresses a common, but rarely talked about issue in the adoption community, the issue of what happens when we as parents are not attaching to our newly adopted child. If you have been in this place, you know the pain and shame it can bring. Here is a beautifully candid article that addresses the issue. My prayer is that it opens a dialogue in the adoption community and brings hope & healing to those who are suffering.
Maybe I should have left my name off this one. Perhaps I could have been one of the anonymous writers who change their name to protect their identity. I will probably open my inbox to find I’ve been booted off a Yahoo adoption group or two after this confession. I’m sure I won’t be invited to the next LifeBook creation group or called up by the Discovery Channel to cover my next adoption. But, I’m not really confessing this to win any popularity contests anyway. The truth is, I am quite certain that what I am about to confess is a dark, deeply held secret of other adoptive parents out there and I am just the one with the big enough mouth to say it. Okay, here I go….
I have attachment issues. Yes, me. Not my daughter (our second adoption), although she has her own set of attachment issues, too. But I am talking about me. After a year and a half, my heart still struggles to latch on firmly, to feel free and open with her, to feel the wonderful bonded feeling of being completely attached in heart and spirit to another person. I still catch myself looking blankly at her, wondering if I even know her yet. I am still more easily frustrated by her, less patient, slower to forgive and recover after she misbehaves. I still have to fight feelings of wanting to pay more attention to the children with whom it is “easier” to feel close. And sometimes I am the one who can go without contact with her and not feel like I even miss her absence........
To read the full article, please click on the following link:http://www.rainbowkids.com/ExpertArticleDetails.aspx?id=171&title=Confessions of an Adoptive Parent with Attachment Issues