Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Confessions of an Adoptive Parent with Attachment Issues


The following is taken from a post by Dawn Greer Choate (7/31/2007).  It addresses a common, but rarely talked about issue in the adoption community, the issue of what happens when we as parents are not attaching to our newly adopted child.  If you have been in this place, you know the pain and shame it can bring.  Here is a beautifully candid article that addresses the issue.  My prayer is that it opens a dialogue in the adoption community and brings hope & healing to those who are suffering.

Maybe I should have left my name off this one. Perhaps I could have been one of the anonymous writers who change their name to protect their identity. I will probably open my inbox to find I’ve been booted off a Yahoo adoption group or two after this confession. I’m sure I won’t be invited to the next LifeBook creation group or called up by the Discovery Channel to cover my next adoption. But, I’m not really confessing this to win any popularity contests anyway. The truth is, I am quite certain that what I am about to confess is a dark, deeply held secret of other adoptive parents out there and I am just the one with the big enough mouth to say it. Okay, here I go….

I have attachment issues. Yes, me. Not my daughter (our second adoption), although she has her own set of attachment issues, too. But I am talking about me. After a year and a half, my heart still struggles to latch on firmly, to feel free and open with her, to feel the wonderful bonded feeling of being completely attached in heart and spirit to another person. I still catch myself looking blankly at her, wondering if I even know her yet. I am still more easily frustrated by her, less patient, slower to forgive and recover after she misbehaves. I still have to fight feelings of wanting to pay more attention to the children with whom it is “easier” to feel close. And sometimes I am the one who can go without contact with her and not feel like I even miss her absence........
 
To read the full article, please click on the following link:
http://www.rainbowkids.com/ExpertArticleDetails.aspx?id=171&title=Confessions of an Adoptive Parent with Attachment Issues

Monday, October 1, 2012

Parenting Classes for Adoptive & Foster Parents

Parenting the Theraplay Way

Parenting The Theraplay Way:
Attachment-Based Therapeutic Parenting for Your Adopted/Foster Child


Saturday, October 13, 2012
9:00am to 5:00pm
Sunny Ridge Family Center, Bolingbrook


Sunny Ridge is pleased to welcome The Theraplay Institute, an organization that has been helping parents build better relationships with their children for over 40 years. They understand that adopted and foster children often need a different kind of parenting, and that these parenting skills may not just come naturally to even the best parent. Their experts understand the neurological and developmental issues that might be challenging your child, and they will give you specific ideas and techniques to help you bring joy, fun, and laughter back home to your family.
The Theraplay Institute will share what you need to know about attachment and trauma, and how parenting “The Theraplay Way” will address your child’s challenges. You will see the activities being used with other families, and you will practice some of them to give you confidence to try them at home. This program is also appropriate for pre-adoptive parents as well as for extended family members such as grandparents, and aunts and uncles.
The workshop will address such issues as:
  • How to help your child feel more comfortable accepting your guidance and leadership.
  • How to nip negative behaviors in the bud without being punitive.
  • How to get away from constant rewards and threats of consequence.
  • How to discipline your child in a way that is effective and fosters learning rather seeming to make the child feel ashamed and vengeful.
  • How to integrate playful, reciprocal interactions that will enhance your child’s sense of well-being and self-esteem.
  • How to foster a feeling of connection and joy between you and your child that will last beyond the time of the actual activity/event.
Workshop Fee: $95 for the full-day workshop; $150 per couple; includes light refreshments (lunch on your own; you may bring a sack lunch if you wish)

CEU’s are available (6.5) - Register on-line directly at The Theraplay Institute or call Janet Koestring at (847) 256-7334, extension 104

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Orphan Sunday Event Idea

Experiences impact us more deeply than words.

On Orphan Sunday, share a meal eaten by orphans around the world.
Gather with family, small group or church for the meal, discussion and prayer.
When you request The Orphan’s Table, they will ship you:
An easy-to-cook meal package and an Orphan Sunday Prayer & Discussion Guide

Monday, September 24, 2012

Free Advent Devotional Guide from Buckner




Advent celebrates the coming of the Savior, a period of expectant waiting and preparation both for the birth and earthly ministry of Christ and for His imminent return.

This year, Buckner is offering a special way to celebrate and anticipate Christ with a daily devotional guide written by those who serve the "least of these" to take you through the Advent season.

The 2012 Buckner Advent Devotional Guide is free of charge. Click here to reserve your copies today and they'll mail them to you between Nov. 2 and Nov. 16.

You can also sign up to receive daily devotional emails in your inbox each morning. Click here to sign up.

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Upcoming Family Life Today Broadcasts on Orphans, Foster Care and Adoption


Several of us from the Vulnerable Children's Leadership Team were able to attend the Christian Alliance for Orphans Summit at Saddleback Church last May.  Several of the most unforgettable features at Summit VIII were recorded for broadcast on Family Life Today…and two are slated to run next week!

Monday, September 24th FLT Broadcast. The deeply-moving personal stories of two young women who grew up in the foster system, interviewed by Dennis Rainey and Bob Lepine. Few eyes were dry by the conclusion of this interview, mine included!

Tue/Wed, September 25th and 26th FLT Broadcasts. The “Men and the Cause of the Fatherless” on-stage discussion included Rick Warren, Russell Moore, Jedd Medefind and Dennis Rainey, moderated by Bob Lepine. These two broadcast will explore why men often lag behind their wives, how we can motivate men to “step up,”…and ultimately carries a bold call especially for men to rise as true “defenders of the fatherless.”

Thur/Fri, September 27and 28 FLT Broadcasts. Mark and Katharyn Richt share their personal adoption story (not recorded at Summit).

If you live in the Chicagoland area you can hear Family Life Today  weekdays at 11:00 a.m. on WMBI, 90.1 F.M.   Otherwise, you can find your local Family Life Today station HERE.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Christian Alliance for Orphans Webinar

 
 
Alliance Webinar Series
 
The Christian Alliance for Orphans Webinar Series is designed to help individuals like you create and grow effective adoption, foster care and global orphan ministry in local churches.
 
You're Invited...


Wrapping Around Families: Providing Help and Hope to Those Called to Foster or Adopt

Not every family is called to foster or adopt, but we can all be a blessing to the foster and adoptive families in our community, providing much needed (and often lacking) support.

The webinar will explore some crucial ways to help families and some tools for doing it well.




Presenter: Kelly Rosati, Focus on the Family

Katie Overstreet, Focus on the Family

Gail Wahl, Woodmen Valley Chapel

 
Date: Wednesday, September 26, 2012 Time:  1:00 PM Central
 
Each 60-minute webinar in this series will give local advocates access to the knowledge and experience of top Alliance member churches and organizations nationwide, covering key topics on adoption, foster care and/or global orphan care. Every webinar will be hosted by a local church orphan ministry and co-presented by one or more national experts on the subject matter. This pairing will deliver a combination of specialist information and resources alongside a “here’s how it works in a real church” perspective.

Monday, September 17, 2012

Safe Families "Spoken Word" Video

I encourage you to check out this video from Michael Pherez.  A few of us from our leadership team were able to meet him and hear his "spoken word" in person when we attended the Safe Families Conference in CA earlier this year.  Michael is a gifted young man from Chicago, who has a heart for vulnerable children.  Below are the words he speaks in his Safe Families video.  Check it out!

http://vimeo.com/42731047

IMAGINE---a MOTHER LOST in her ROLE,
HER SOUL, DIM!----A FADE IN HER GLOW!
HEAVY LADENED BY A LACK of LOVE!
And a dose of ABUSE---AND DRUGS---IMPRISONED
WITH a PINCH of HOMELESSNESS to wake her up to the HOPELESSNESS!
THAT AWAITS HER GASPING LUNGS---


 
UNDONE, SHE LONGS TO SOW A LOVE she's never KNOWN
TO REACH OUT TO THE SHE---SHE'S never GROWN---INTO!
IN-3
IN-4
IN-10 YEARS, LOST & TOSSED!
BY THE WAVES OF GOODBYES
THAT ABANDONED HER AGAIN AND AGAIN!

 
A GEM, UNDISCOVERED IN THE ROUGH-OF-THE-TOUGH-
OF-THE-CUFFS THAT KEEP HER BOUND AND KEEP US WONDERING!

 
PONDERING HER FREEDOM---
CALCULATING---
THE COST ALREADY PAID
THE DROSS ALREADY UNMADE
BY THE CROSS ALREADY BRAVED!


BY THE ONE WHO WAVES HER BACK INTO A HOME SHE'S NEVER KNOWN
TO A FAMILY SHE'S NEVER GROWN!

 
BIBLICAL HOSPITALITY---TO MUTE THE SOUND OF HOSTILITY
UNCONDITIONALLY LOVE FOR THY NEIGHBOR
THE STRANGER
THE ANGER
LEFT TO HANG-HER AND HIM
AND KIDS CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE

 
LITTLE HEARTS HURT
FOR A RIDDLE---
MOTHERS AND FATHERS STRUGGLE TO SOLVE---

 
SURE-LOCKED HOMES
NOW OPENED
HOPE-IN THE FORM OF ME AND YOU
TO HEAL THE BROKE-IN THE FORM OF THEM!

ALL TO ENCOUNTER EXTRAVAGANCE
REDEMPTION (IN) THE FORM OF HIM!
BECAUSE LOVINGS' THE MISSION
WITHOUT CONDITION --GOD PLEASED
BECAUSE WE THE CHURCH RADICALLY REDEFINED INTO A PEOPLE WHOSE DESIRE IS MORE THAN SUNDAY MEETINGS
WITH OUT SOMEDAY MEETING -- HIS WONDERFULLY MADE CHILD


 
A FAITH OPEN TO THE MESSY REALITY TRAPPED IN LITTLE EARS AND EARS -- TEARS TO MUCH TO HANDLE
LITTLE HEARTS AND HANDS TO NUMB TO FEEL LOVE TO CONFUSED TO ENCOUNTER ITS BEAUTY
LITTLE ANGELS WAITING FOR YOU AND ME TO REFUSE THEIR ABUSE --POWER
TO REFLECT A LOVE BRIGHT ENOUGH TO OPEN THE EYES OF THEIR SLOWLY BEATING HEARTS THAT SPARKLE
TO SHOW US WHAT WE WERE MADE FOR
WHAT HE DIED FOR
THE RED LETTERS OF LOVING THY NEIGHBOR
THE STRANGER NOT ACCEPTING THE DANGER OF OVERLOOKING THE HUMAN
FLESH AND BLOOD
BECAUSE WE ARE TO CONCERNED WITH THE FINE PRINT
THE MESS AND THE FLOOD OF THE SCARY DETAILS THAT CAUSE OF TO SELFLESSLY INHALE
THE PURPOSE OF HIS BLOOD ON A CROSS
FOR THE PURPOSE OF THEIR LIVES ONCE LOST BUT NOW FOUND
NOW SAFE WITH A FAMILY THAT TOOK THE RISK TO STEP INTO THE UNKNOWN
TO BECOME A SAFE FAMILY!

Sunday, September 16, 2012

International Justice Mission Chicago Benefit Dinner

 
Join IJM at the Chicago Benefit Dinner!
You will change lives.
You will fight slavery.
You will bring hope to a world in need.
Saturday, November 10, 2012
6:30 p.m. Reception | 7:00 p.m. Dinner
$125 per person
Register Now
R.S.V.P. by October 31 - Space is limited.
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Featuring
Saju Mathew, IJM Director of Operations, South Asia
Saju Matthew
Saju joined IJM in 2008 as the Field Office Director in Chennai, India, where he led a team to rescue hundreds of people from slavery. At the Benefit, he will share stories of the incredible transformation he has witnessed, including one family’s life-changing rescue from slavery and a sex trafficking survivor’s journey of restoration.
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Learn more about ways to get involved:

HOST: Purchase a table of 10 for $1,250
RECRUIT: Fill a 10-person table with paying guests
SPONSOR: Multiple levels available
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events@ijm.org | (703) 740-9923
 
 

 

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Positive Update on Rwanda's Orphans

Rwanda moves to close down children’s institutions and improve its childcare system

By Shantha Bloemen


KIGALI, Rwanda, 30 July 2012 –Three years ago, Esther arrived at the Mpore Pefa home, only a few hours old, naked and caked in blood from her umbilical cord. A man named Larry had found her in a field. She may have been the child of a student at the nearby secondary school, but that is speculation; nobody knows.
UNICEF correspondent Suzanne Beukes reports on Rwanda's ambitious plan to close all the country's children’s institutions in favor of family-based care. Watch in RealPlayer


Now Ester has found a family, and in doing so, she is leading a radical transformation as the country attempts to heal from its past conflict and move forward as a cohesive society. She is at the forefront of an ambitious plan – supported by UNICEF – to close all of Rwanda's 34 children’s institutions and find new homes for the 3,153 orphans living in them.
More ambitious still, the country wants to deepen family solidarity so that no more children are abandoned.

Closing institutions
Ester left Mpore Pefa three months ago. Her new parents, Gilbert and Providence Mwenedata, say it only took a day or two for her to settle into her new surroundings in a spacious house in a suburb of Kigali. She joined the couple's two children, Gloria, 6, and Gladys, 3.
“The first day, she barely spoke,” Mr. Mwenedata said, “and the following day, when I left her at her new school, she wept until we convinced her we would return. It has been easy because there was a connection. We had a love for her and she has love for us. Our daughters were prepared to accept a new sister.”

Psychologist Vidivi Karangwa helped to match Ester to the Mwenedatas. She works for Hope & Homes for Children, a nongovernmental organization with global experience in deinstitutionalization. It is a partner of the Government of Rwanda, UNICEF and other child rights organizations in the effort to improve child care and eliminate child abandonment.

Like many orphanages in the country, Mpore Pefa opened its doors soon after the 1994 genocide. An estimated 800,000 people had been killed and hundreds of thousands of children were left without parents. Rwanda went from having four orphanages in 1979 to 34 in 2011.
UNICEF Image
© UNICEF Video
Esther, 3, smiles in the home she now shares with Gilbert and Providence Mwenedata and their two children, in a suburb of Kigali, Rwanda.

 
Mpore Pefa – which until recently was home to 50 children – was among the first orphanages to close. Hope & Homes for Children Head of Programmes Epaphrodite Nsabimana said that the closures make financial sense. “Raising a child in an institution costs around 3,000 Rwandan francs per day [about US$5], and if you use that same money, it can cover the cost of a standard family of six children.”

Finding their families
Zaina Nyirambakama, Executive Secretary of the National Commission for Children, said that many people had assumed there was no option but to place abandoned children in orphanages. But on closer inspection, 70 per cent of children in orphanages had living parents or close relatives who could take them in.

Irakoze Pulcherie did not even know of the existence of her 4-year-old granddaughter, Kesia, until Hope and Homes for Children brought her the news.

“When I first saw Kesia, it was very emotional,” said Ms. Pulcherie. Kesia showed signs of malnutrition and limped because she needed special shoes that the under-resourced orphanage could not provide. “I was so happy but also distressed by the conditions in which she lived. At first they wanted me to spend more time with her at the orphanage so she could get used to me, but at the end of the first day, she did not want to leave me.”

Reforming the whole system
The National Commission for Children expects the closure of all the country’s institutions to take two years. The government, with support from UNICEF and other child welfare agencies, is training more social workers and psychologists. The plan is to create a network in each district to help identify children who are likely to be abandoned and to find options for children with no extended family.
“The commitment is there – even the prime minister has adopted a child,” said Ms. Nyirambakama. ''We don't want to do [the closures] in a hurry. We want to make sure that if we place a child or reunify a child it is for good.”

UNICEF Representative to Rwanda Noala Skinner said the initiative will not stop at ‘deinstitutionalization'. “We are looking at the whole childcare system so that we have robust systems in place to ensure that both now and in the future there are good referral mechanisms to prevent abandonment of children.”

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Webinar: Adoption & Classroom Success

Presents...
 
Adoption and Classroom Success: Beyond the Basics
 
NEW WEBINAR! RESERVE YOUR SPOT TODAY!

 Circumstances prior to adoption often cause children to experience school in a different framework than other kids.
Join us for a discussion with Heather T. Forbes, LCSW as she presents tips and strategies on how to help your child be more successful at school, and ease some of the stress at home. Heather will cover:
  • How to smooth school related transitions
  • Helping teachers understand what is driving a child's negative behavior
  • How to increase your child's motivation to succeed at school

Submit your questions for Heather HERE or by tweeting them to @adoptiontweet using #ALPSchool